The Banker

For someone like me who had a share of ups and downs in realm of the heart, finding someone is not entirely the issue. The primary concern now is, what to do when you find someone.

In a very unconventional manner, I found this banker.

At first, maybe because of my profile picture, I got ignored. It was only after several unswered messages I finally got her to say something.

It was a very pleasant exchange of thoughts and we got to the point where she gave me her number, for convinience sake since it was easier to communicate via texts and calls.

We, really didn't click when we first talked.

What kind of a person am I?

I don't have the formula for a working relationship. For the most part, the longest I've had was 5 years and all along I thought everything was going on smoothly only to be woken up one day, literally one day, and be told I have lost her love forever. Few days after she reassured me everything was okay and that I don't have to believe in superstitions about love, because that was what she had for me.

I am not a skeptic.

It doesn't escape my mind that, people are very different from each other. And that, the reason couples clash is because they try to force their differences to one another, being from different backgrounds.

Of all people in the world, I am who you can consider open minded, tolerant, critical.

I know exactly what I want in my partner, I have the ideal love life in mind.

I am also a realist, and that being said, I know ideal doesn't exist. ONLY real.

I want to reconcile our differences, not rub it in our faces.

She is not perfect

Nobody is!. But nonetheless, there is something about her that really wants me to stay with her. Forever if possible. This feeling despite not knowing her for a long time, despite not knowing her at all.

She made me feel, love is still possible for me. Selfish to claim it just for me, but I really cannot speak for her, because I don't know.

Despite her imperfections, I still have her in mind all the time. 

She looks really smooth and sophisticated on the outside. Really beautiful. Any man she will choose to walk with wherever, should hold his head high. She is, really something.

She is a bit rough on the inside however.

Don't get me wrong, she can be sweet, for the most part she is. And I particularly love it when I get a message from her saying "call me".

I love her voice. Her voice alone is enough to complete my day.

There is something wrong with her choice of words however. And that, pisses me off, all the time.

But, despite all her imperfections, I still want her.

She is not perfect...so am I.

Why do we always clash?

There is not a day that goes by that we don't argue.

I don't like arguing. That is what I do for the most part so as much as possible, I just wanna kiss her and listen to her talk. 

I know I mentioned I love it when she asks me to call her. I actually do call her most of the time.

I never demanded that she should share her time at the office with me. I know that when at work, I should not be disturbing her. 

But imagine this, she is working and wants be to be with her at work on the phone with her. Sweet right?

Wrong, it is not sweet at all. Nobody wants to be a second priority. No one wants to be told, just hold, I need to say this to my office-mate. But even this I endured for her. I didn't mind being momentarily ignored so she can answer a query from someone else in the office.

If I were to give her time, she will have all my attention. 

She lies. And I hate it the most.

I demand honest in all forms and aspect because that is what I am ready to give. What is so hard to understand about that?.

Another thing is, imagine, you are barely starting with your relationship and so you set some rules to keep things in order like, no more texting and ex or a suitor or be involved with anyone. This rule is elementary and need not be formally established.

Now imagine being told, yes, I will cut all communication with this and that guy except for my crush.

Regardless of how remote the possibility of having an actual relationship with the "crush" is, it should not be part of the bargain.

All a lover wants is to be loved solely, and share it with no one else. I will give her all my love and forget even my crush and those who already love me unconditionally without reservations. But she, has to make room for her crush.

What was the last straw?

I know I am very particular with the words people use. It's not because I over analyse things. I just want to be as clear as possible. I don't want to misinterpret anything. 

So, when I ask the question, do you love me, it doesn't mean that I cannot feel that she does. It means that I don't trust my own take on the matter, so I want to be told I am loved.

We still have communication barrier. That I understand. What I don't understand is, sarcasm and cynicism.

I don't want to be made fun of when I am trying to get a point across. It's hard enough for me to explain, I don't deserve to be made fun of.

All I wanted for her to do is to filter her words before she says it because she cannot "unsay" something. 

And all I got from her, she will install filters on her phone. 

Call me short tempered, but she was insensitive.

So what now dimple?

I cannot ask you to change because she doesn't fit my standards, and I don't wanna be asked to change either just to fit yours standards either.

To be perfectly honest, I really feel the love for you. I will not write about it this way if I didn't.

We have to meet halfway. I cannot be the only person who is willing to adjust. You must too.

You cannot forever, hide behind your claim that you are hard to deal with, you are childish, you are this and that. If that is what is getting in the way of an awesome journey, then why choose to still be that?

Be hard to deal with when you are being abused. Be as childish as you want when being playful and goofing around.

And be the woman you are supposed to be when it calls for you to be that.

Then every day, I will try to be a better man than I was yesterday.

I am willing.

Are you?